I made the mistake of requesting a new debt card with a “tap” feature. Leave those pesky pin numbers behind. Then the trouble started. First I had to go through three different AI voices to activate it by phone. Each voice sounded like some version of either a carnival barker or a sultry cat house madam. Then I noticed that the card numbers had changed from the previous card. This meant I had to change cards on several sites. Let the slog begin.
The first problem was at the online bank site. I had questions about this change, and I was only allowed to “chat” with an AI generated “friend.” My question was not listed in the drop down menu, but I typed in my concern anyway. My “friend” wasn’t buying it. I had to choose from an option that made no sense for my question. After four attempts I gave up.
Then I tried to add the card to a secure pay site, where the old card was already registered. The site was as easy to navigate as a narrow mountain road in the Pyrenees. I finally added the new card but couldn’t delete the old one. What could ever go wrong going forward?
Next I attempted to delete the old card and add the new at a church website which debited the card for weekly donations. I could double my pleasure by having both cards debited but without being able to delete the old one. God would appreciate this, but not my bank account. I was already giving much more than a 10% tithe.
In frustration, I decided to take a break and call a roofing company that had been recommended for roof repairs. I got a laid back AI male voice that asked repeatedly when I wanted to schedule an inspection appointment. Every day and time I gave was unavailable. The earliest was sometime in 2027. I finally said, no thanks, AI. The reply was, “My name is Hal and it has been a pleasure to serve you.”
Lest this little diatribe end on a sour note, let me disabuse you that all such transactions are destined to be unpleasant. I have had a conversation with a real person in a medical office where he was very understanding about my constipation and took time to offer multiple solutions, like drink water. When I had issues with my TV satellite dish, I had a lady from a call center in the Philippines where she called me Mr. Robert. She spent an hour walking me through the complexities of resetting the system so I could watch a program on how to properly marinate hog jowls.
There was even a guy at a car dealership service center who told me I didn’t need half the repairs which some other underhanded Bozo had suggested, like a rebuilt engine and four new tires. While there are still bright spots out there in terms of consumer service, more and more you have to deal with AI voices or boiler room pestering from India.
I have occasional nightmares where I wake up in a cold sweat after experiencing a scene from 2001 A Space Odyssey and the disembodied computer voice.
“Hal, open the pod bay doors, please.”
“Sorry, Rob, I can’t do that.”
“Hal!!”
You almost wish for the good version of the Terminator to fix the AI mess as he says, “I’ll be back” and later blasts the AI creations growling “Hasta la vista baby.” What could possibly go wrong?