My predilection has been to muscle through food groups that are on the edge of their sanitary shelf life. After all, I paid for them. So drink the orange juice, even if it has begun to sour. Eat that stale bread which is just on the edge of mold. Cut out the soft brown/black spots on apples and bananas. Hey, critters would eat the whole thing. Well, no more with the spoiled food. At my age, with ninety percent of personal history in the rear view mirror, I’m putting my foot down. Life is short. If it doesn’t impact others, then I’m just goin’ to do, what I’m goin’ to do and get a Super Frappa something at the closest Starbucks..
So I get this weird letter from the IRS, saying they need information about my last tax return, without telling me what information is required. I try calling the number they provide, and an electronic voice tells me to call back in five days when there may be an agent available. I go on the IRS website, and am told to register by first providing the most sensitive information about my poor pathetic life. I click out. Send Treasury agents if you want the info that bad.
It’s my bedtime. Suddenly, all the Amazon echo devices in the house begin pulsating with a puke green circle. What the hell? I tell Alexa to stop; nothing happens. I unplug the units and then plug them back in. Same green circle. I go on the internet, says I have a call from someone. I tell Alexa, “Cancel the call!” She says there is NO call. Desperate, I say, “ALEXA, WHY ARE YOU PULSATING PUKE GREEN?” Alexa tells me I have a “notification.” So I say, “Alexa, notification.” Her honey toned voice responds, “Amazon has an amazing deal for you on Ginzu steak knives.” I immediately disable Alexa being able to talk to me about anything but my music choices. Life is short.
I get a new rattling noise in our mini-van. Sounds like a small fury creature is coughing up something in the glove box. Can’t figure it out. Go to online forums. Ah Ha! It’s a broken thingamajig, connected to the whatchamacallit behind the vacuum server unit. Right. Folks on the forum say take care of the problem now before the vehicle warranty runs out because the dealership is going to have to dismantle half of your van to replace the costly unit, and it will probably take a week. In a previous life I would have made a repair appointment that day, but I have six months left on the warranty, and for now I’d rather replace the lawn sprinklers. At least it gets me outdoors.
I search online for a specific tan ceramic pot. The big box store near me is out, but they have two tan ones and five purple ones (yuk!) at a sister store fifteen miles away. Aisle 16 – shelf 3. I confidently drive to the sister store, envisioning the tan pot filled with a cavalcade of flowers. I go to aisle 16, ceramic pots. No tan ones, just the five purple. First impulse is to berate a store “associate” for their screwed up inventory count. However, I slowly re-program my expectations and decide that with the right greenery, I can live with purple. Life is short. Don’t sweat the small stuff unless you’re in Florida in August with 95% humidity.